Melancholy

Thinking about death

2007-03-23T14:34:00.000-07:00

I think about death most of the time. Looking up suicide memorials online and trying to imagine the pain. The emotional state of those left behind worries me, it's terrible to be put in this position. So torn and desperate. What am I supposed to do? I can't make everyone happy. God help me

Silence

2007-03-06T03:55:00.000-08:00

I am torn between life and death. I want to die but I know my death will cause great sadness for others and I feel much guilt for that. What is the best thing? To think of me or to think of others? Must I carry on suffering so others won't? I wish you could understand. I just wish you could understand.

No one can help me

2007-03-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

No one can help me. They have tried and I in turn have done everything they have said to try and help myself. It has not worked. After everything, all this therapy and medication, I am still stuck in the depths of despair. Life is difficult and full of pain, the kind of pain that won't go away. What am I to do with all this anguish within me? I wish someone could help me or give me another strategy to try and help myself but I have run out of options. Death is the only way to stop this...

Personal safety

2007-03-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

I live in a place that is incredibly violent and crime is rife. Most of the time I fear for my personal safety, always looking over my shoulder and wondering when I'm going to be taken out. It could be at any time. The criminals here like to rape. I'm tired of being afraid. I want out of all this madness.
I'm so angry about it too. Why should I have to live in constant terror? Living in an unsafe society cages you and takes away your freedom because you can go no where. I live behind electric fences. I live tucked away, locked away in fear; my own private hell.

Going to the Lakeside

2007-03-04T13:03:00.000-08:00

Going to the lakeside,
you will see just what I live for
Where nobody answers,
you will see just what I live for
There are all these fake people,
you should be proud
There are all these fake people
standing around

Going to the lakeside,
you will see just what I live for
Where nobody answers,
you will see just what I live for
Are there any more reasons
why I should stay?
Are there any more reasons
for me to go away?

The beginning

2007-03-04T01:05:00.000-08:00

04 March 2007. Today I created this blog in order to express exactly how I feel, without worrying about what people will think. I am anonymous here, therefore no one will worry and no one will care.
I'm empty, afraid, dead.